Tears of....

Everything. Joy, sadness, cause there was a cute baby on the tv....it doesn't matter. I am crying and don't even know why! Cause it was so cute when the dog jumped up on the couch and laid her head on my chest? Sure. Because its hard to go through this all alone? Yep. Because sometimes I get scared and want that someone special to hold me and reassure me that everything is going to be fine and I'm going to be a great mom? Definatly. Because I watched my baby dance today in the ultrasound? You better believe it.

Today's ultrasound was so much different then the first, and its only been two weeks. Last time you really only could see a dot, kinda bean shaped, and that heart beating. And you couldn't hear the heart very good. But this time...wow. I first heard that heart, loud and clear. Then I saw the baby...big head, and two little arms and two little legs. It was...breathtaking. Then...she twiched. So the doctor said "Come on, dance little gummy bear, dance...." (he calls them gummy bears cause really at this stage, that is what it looks like). And after a moment, that is exactly what she did! She moved and bent at the waist, and moved those little arms and legs....it was just so cute! I start to cry for joy at what I was watching. Later I cried because he wasn't there to share it with me. No one was. Which was fine, can't expect my parents to drop everything and come down here every time...mom had to work and all. But it was such a cool moment, it felt like it should have been shared with someone.

Heartbeat was 183, nice and healthy. I've taken to calling the baby a she because I keep having dreams that its a girl, and I feel thats better than "it". So until such time as I'm told its a boy, we'll just go with "she".

I know the crying is all hormonal, and its really just started kicking in. But it still makes me crazy, it makes me wonder what it is that I should be dealing with...its easy to forget that there really is no reason for it at all!

I've not gained any weight, actually lost a pound since my last doctor visit. But they said that was fine, especially since I was a little overweight anyway, its a good thing, they don't want me gaining too much.

Last week I was gone at a Visioning conference for work. I gave a presentation on "No Child Left Inside" and got everyone brainstorming possibilities for a statewide initiative on getting children and families back outside. My director personally told me that our session was the best of the whole conference, and they are really excited about persuing an initiative. It was really great. So I'll probably be on a steering committee for this very soon, and it is going to be statewide, multi-agency, and very exciting. I think I really impressed some important people too, which is always a good thing! ;) Apparently there are already rumors going around that I'm on the "fast track" to moving up to Central Office. Which I have mixed feelings about, but hey, for enough money, even I can be persueded! Ha!

I'll do better about posting, I promise. For now I need to eat some dinner. I've been feeling pretty good, as long as I eat as soon as I get out of bed. I was kinda sick last Tuesday, not sure why, but been fine every other day. Glad I'm not having sickness and stuff that other women go through. I'll take the tiredness and crying over that any day!! As soon as I get to my parents house I will scan the ultrasound pics and post them here.

Yawn....

This week has been soo exhausting. I haven't really done anything, but just so tired all the time.

Yeah, that's all I have. I'm too tired to write.

Its a.....

Grub worm! Ha...well thats what my sarcastic Colonel Sanders look-alike doctor said today.


I had my first doctor appointment today, where I had the great pleasure of peeing in a cup, getting probed by said Colonel Sanders, and finally getting to see my little girl or boy on the screen for the first time. It really was amazing. We couldn't see much, as the baby is only 1/4" long right now. When he turned it just right, it was kinda bean shaped I guess, but what you see loud and clear was something that seemed to comprise half of the baby's body mass. And as I watched I saw it move, up down, up down...so very fast. Without a word I knew that I was watching a tiny little heart, pumping blood through even tinier veins, through this tiny little body.

And I was breathless.

It is so amazing, that something so small can be so complex already. I just have no words...

I have a DVD of it all, which is really awesome cause I can send a copy to Steve. The doc also gave me a due date: October 28. And in two weeks I get to go back and get another ultrasound...cause by then I'll be able to see legs and arms!

I'm still feeling pretty good, had a monster headache Saturday but have felt okay since. I'm hungry about every 2 hours, which is really annoying. Stomach was a little shakey after lunch today, don't know if its the wings we had or if it was nerves because we went and talked to the house people today so mom and dad could see what it would look like. Other than that, feeling good, just tired and hungry. :)

Exhaustion and cream cheese

I've not posted the past couple of days because I've just been too exhausted. Yesterday we burned at Onondaga. It wasn't a hard unit, only 120 acres. I know it sounds like a lot, but compared to Johnsons Shut Ins where we have an 800 acre unit, this one was a cake walk. The worst part was climbing the ridge to our starting point. Then it was mostly downhill from there, sometimes very steep so I was careful not to twist my ankle. Most of the time I carried the rake and just tried to watch out for snags that could cause problems. But my crew leader did let me use the drip torch for about half of the time. And boy was it a good fire, it burned HOT! Big flames, fire whirls, all that stuff made it very exciting! But made me sooo pooped.

When I got back to town Ben called and invited me to have dinner with him and Tiffany. I thought it sounded nice, especially since he was making me fried pickles...YUM! So I went over there for a couple hours, but once my tummy was full, it all started to hit me and I thought I was going to pass out on my dinner plate! So I came home, but wanted to stay up for a little bit since the dog had been cooped up all day. But less an hour later, (right before 10), I was falling asleep on the couch! So it was off to bed with me.

This morning, despite having 8 hrs of sleep, when the alarm went off I did NOT want to get out of bed. I've been a walking zombie all day today! And tonight 10:00 hit and I was falling asleep on the couch again! So not like a night owl like me, usually I'm luckty if I'm in bed by midnight! But as I post this my eyes burn so bad, I just want to sleep!

Have to get up early tomorrow though, baby and I are going on our first salamander hunt! haha. I set up some herp arrays, which are some buckets buried in the ground, one at each point in a Y shape, with aluminum flashing connecting them. The idea is the salamanders are trotting toward their breeding ponds, they hit the flashing, cant climb it, so they follow it until PLOP, the fall into the bucket. Then in the morning I go out, count and record them, and let them go. And they move on the first warm rainy night of the spring...which should be tonight! So we'll see what we find in the morning.

Got my first food aversion today I think. Was running a little late this morning so made myself a bagel with cream cheese to go. In the car, on my way to work, I took a big bite of my yummy Earthgrains bagel with whipped cream cheese and...UGh...I didn't think I'd chew it enough to swallow before hurling! It was the strangest thing. So I waited a few min, took a drink of my chocoolate milk, and tried again. Same reaction! So I guess baby has decided that mommy doesn't like cream cheese anymore. :( Wonder what is next? If it's ice cream or steak, I think I'll just die.

Dreams are telling..?

I had a dream last night about getting my ultrasound. In the dream I heard the doctor say very clearly...

"It's a girl."


So do I instinctively know that its a girl and I'm warning myself to put my boy hopes on hold? Or does it mean nothing and some other night I will dream about a boy? Who knows, but the dream says girl, for what it's worth. Guess we'll wait and see...

Cleaning fatigue

Today I cleaned the house, and now I am exhausted. I didn't even do all that much. Just picked up the clutter, did some laundry, vaccumed all the rooms, swept and mopped, and cleaned the kitchen. Well, now that I list it out, it does sound like a lot...but still, I used to be able to do a mad cleaning spree and clean the whole house and not be near this tired. I wanted to clean the garage today, but that didn't happen. And I'm pretty upset about that. But I had to clean up the house first. Maybe next weekend.

Got a wonderful phone call from Stephen yesterday. He wanted to tell me that he was "really really excited" about the baby. I was so happy to hear him say that, and it made me feel so good. He also had a great idea-to make a video diary when he gets back for the baby. Then we can burn it to a DVD, and someday show it to him/her and embarrass them ;) I thought it was a fabulous idea. I'm glad he's getting as into this as I am. Now if I just had a house for my family....but I'm working on that too.

Feeling really good still, other than getting worn out faster. And the sore chest, but I can tolerate that. I have dreams every night that are baby related. Going to the ultrasound, shopping for furniture, etc. So far I've yet to see the baby in the dream, I'm still always just pregnant.

I'm really tired but I need a shower and still have to run to the store. More later.

Stormy Day

Our first storms of the season blasted through today!! And the spring peepers are out and peeping away (one of the most beautiful sounds, I think). I am soo happy! Soon the trees will be green again, and flowers will be blooming. Yay!

My meeting yesterday went great, they loved our ideas. We could see a statewide initiative with MY ideas happening in the next year. How exciting!

There was something else I really wanted to write about, but damn if my ADD isn't really showing itself today. I can't remember a damn thing. But I was really proud of myself today. At work I spent most of the day cleaning and organizing all of my naturalist stuff at work. It was a chore, my predecessor had a lot of worthless crap saved up. But with Ben's help, we got it done, and it is a relief. And I know without his help I would have gotten frustrated and quit, because I would have been overwhelmed by all the clutter and crap we found in there.

Now, the challenge will be cleaning my house this weekend, which includes cleaning out the garage. That is going to be sooo hard...there is so much crap to sift through, I don't know why I have some of it! And the house is a cluttered mess, its not really dirty since I gave it a more than thorough cleaning before Steve got here. But the clutter is getting to the unbearable point. I've just been so overwhelmed/emotional/TIRED to want to do anything after work recently. But it has to get done this weekend, if I have to look at this much longer, I'm pretty sure I'll have an anurism.

Well I've rambled hoping that I would remember what it was that I was wanting to write about, but alas, that did not work. So instead I am going to go in my room with my new "What To Expect When You're Expecting" book that Amazon delivered to me today, and read for a while. Then I'm going to crash early for once.

Oh and other than tired, I feel pretty good. Sinus woes are beginning. I got a humidifier at Wally World tonight, so we'll see if that helps. And I feel like I'm gaining weight already. I don't know why I would, my eating has been pretty much the same as it always was. I don't get it. Other than that though, I feel great. No morning sickness at all so far! Let's hope it stays that way!!