The first 6 months

It is hard to believe, but Ethan is 6 months old! He is so amazing. I can't get over how much he changes every single day. He will wake up one day and suddenly do something new. I love to watch him grow and learn. He's so alert, you can tell he's just soaking up everything going on around him.

Just a few of his firsts:

First smiles 11/7/07

First Laughs 2/3/08

First Raspberries 2/20/08

Rolled over 2/20/08

First baby food 3/3/08

First sippy cup 3/16/08

First discovered his toes 3/28/08

First sit 4/17/08 (on this 6 month birthday!)

It has been amazing so far, and I promise to do better about posting here!

Welcome Baby Ethan!

Wow, hard to believe that the day after my last post, I was in the hospital being induced. This post is looong overdue, but here's what happened:

We went in for the ultrasound, and because I've had so many at that point, I noticed something: my fluid was viturally non-existant. I made a comment to the technician, "My fluid is really low..." and she said "Yeah, I was just noticing that. Let me go get your doctor and see what she thinks." My doctor came in and took a look and said, "Yep, your fluid is only at 2 cm, that means it's have a baby time."

Note that anything under 5cm for fluid is "very concerning" to them. So at this point I'm thinking, okay...tomorrow, the next day...?

She said, "Um, no. Now."


I'm pretty sure I had to pick my jaw off the ground. Stephen was cool and collected as usual. Nothing phases him. But as much as I had been saying in that past week or so that I was ready, at that moment I definatly didn't feel ready. I called my dad and said, "what are you doing?" He was getting ready for work. I told him he had to get up here, that we were having a baby! He said "You're kidding, right?" I laughed. So we frantically drove home to get my hospital bag and board the dog...and it was off to the hospital with us.

I checked in around 5pm. By 5:30 they were pumping the Pitocin in me. Mom and dad arrived soon after, later to be followed by Vicky and Bud and Stephen's dad and Roma. I progressed very slowly all evening. They broke my water around 8ish, but that didn't help me to dilate. Luckily all the contractions I was having were completely painless. We were all sitting around the room laughing and having a good time. The only bad part was how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since breakfast that day, and all I was allowed to eat was Jello. Everything was pretty much the same until about 1am. Then suddenly I started feeling the contractions. And it wasn't a gradual buildup. It was sudden awful pain. And in my back...I was having back labor. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the lower back for over a minute every time I contracted. It went like that for about an hour and a half. Stephen was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him, my mom and Roma were taking good care of me...best they could do really was hold my hand and put a wet cloth on my head. They woke him up eventually, and as the contractions got longer, I started asking for the epidural. In fact, I think Roma went out and hunted down the nurse to demand it! They came in to check my progress, but I was still less than 2cm dilated. They don't like to give the epidural until you are at least 4 cm. I couldn't believe it, I'd have to wait to dilate 2 more cm, and I hadn't even went 1 in the 8 hrs since I'd gotten there!?!

They eventually decided to give it to me anyway, thank goodness. So they turned me over, put the big needle in my spine, and ahhhhhh....sweet relief. After that, I didn't feel a thing for a while. I even slept some. As much as one can sleep with the nurses coming in every half hour to take BP and temp.

At about 7am, I started feeling some pain again. I clicked the little button for more drugs, but I didn't get any. When I told the nurse, she checked me, and I was 8cm...she said the pain I felt was the baby's head pushing down. She said it wouldn't be long till it was time to push. And she was right!

At 8am, I was fully dilated. It was go time. And I could definatly tell, the pressure was great and I really felt the need to push. Stephen stayed in the room with me, of course, but so did my mom. I wasn't sure if she would, I thought she might be too weird about it. I figured if she did stay, she'd probably just stay up by my head and cheer me on. But she surprised me...she held my leg back and watched the whole thing! Which you'd think would weird me out, but it doesn't at all.

I must say that childbirth wasn't bad at all. Of course, I had the epidural, so I'm sure I'd be singing a different tune if I didn't have that. But it wasn't painful. I began pushing around 8:05am, and I was doing so well, they had to tell me to stop pushing because my doctor wasn't there yet. I thought they were nuts, how was I going to get through a contraction without pushing?! It was tough. I think I had to wait through 4 contractions before my doc showed up. A few more pushes later, and my doc said "Look down". When I did, I saw this dark head of hair, and then a weird feeling as they pulled my baby out...it was amazing. They cleaned him a little and put him on my chest. He was all gooey and icky, but still so beautiful. They wisked him away to the other side of the room to clean him up. I heard his little cries and watched as Stephen and my Mom got to touch him and watch the nurses do their work. At one point the doc said, "here's the placenta!" and held it up like it was some trophy of childbirth. That was creepy and gross, but I shrugged it off. As she stitched me up (I tore just a little), they brought my baby over to me with the little hat on, all wrapped up like a burrito. It was the best moment of my entire life.

Ethan John was born October 17, 2007 at 8:46am. He was 8lbs, 1 oz and 20 3/4 inches long. And he was an angel.

Nobody prepares you for what your body goes through after giving birth. It is all kinds of nastiness I will spare you, but it is amazing how all the icky and all the pain disappears when you see your baby. I was in the hospital 2 days, and against everyone's advice, I kept him in the room at all times with us. I just couldn't bare sending him off with strangers...poor guy just got his little world turned upside down, and the only thing in the world he knows is me. He knows my heartbeat, he knows my voice, he knows my smell. I can't imagine how scary it is for the babies that get sent off alone with the strangers.

Needless to say, I slept very little at the hospital. In fact, we had to delay my checkout for a few hours so I could get a nap!

We brought him home, and since then I've been in mommy heaven. Every day he changes, he does something new. It may be a new smile, a new movement, or even new poopie, but every day is just as amazing as the next. Sometimes I just stare at him in complete wonder. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him. I love him with every single fiber of my being. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode with love and pride for this little guy. I have a hard time putting him down sometimes. Every little whimper sends me into "worried mommy" mode.

I knew I'd love being a mommy...I just didn't know it would be this good.

Status Quo still...for now...

Doctor appointment today, and surprise...still at 1 cm. I guess Ethan just isn't in a hurry to get out. But I've got news for him...his eviction notice may come sooner than he thinks!

The doctor wants to do another ultrasound tomorrow to check his weight. If he's over 8 lbs, they are going to induce me next week. That way I'll have a better chance of not having to get a c section.

Wow...next week...hard to believe it may be time already. This has been a wonderful journey..but its gone so fast! I'll post more tomorrow when I know more. For now, a little about week 38:

Your baby continues to grow this week and weighs about 6.8 pounds. His crown-to-rump length is still about 14 inches and total length is around 21 inches. Most women do not grow any larger during the last few weeks of their pregnancy. From the top of your uterus to your bellybutton is about 6.5 to 7 inches. You may be very uncomfortable now-you are almost there!

Just before real labor contractions start, you might notice false labor contractions. These should not be confused with Braxton-Hicks contractions. False labor contractions can be as strong as real labor contractions, but do not get closer and may go away if you get up to walk around. Contractions help dilate the cervix and encourage your water to break. Your baby could be born any day now, but only 5% of mothers deliver on their actual due date!

Over the last few weeks of pregnancy, your baby has been building up waste materials in the intestines. This waste material is known as meconium and is greenish-black in color. Meconium is made up of cells that your baby has shed, lanugo and other substances. Meconium is the first waste that your baby will pass after birth. However, sometimes babies pass meconium before delivery and are delivered with greenish-black waste covering their body. Special care must be taken when a baby passes meconium in the womb.

If your baby is a boy, his testes should have descended into his scrotum by this time. When your baby boy is born, both of his testes should be in place. Approximately 1% of babies are born with undescended testes. Because an undescended testis can cause infertility issues and increase the risks of testicular cancer, your baby's doctor will examine both testes after birth.

The baby's skull is not fully solid as the five bony plates, known as fontanels (little fountains), are still separate and can be pushed together. Birth may mold and elongate the fetal head, a safety precaution to reduce the skull's diameter for an easier birth, without damaging the fetal brain. After delivery, the baby's head returns to a rounded shape. Eyes have no tear ducts yet, they appear a few weeks after birth.

Status Quo

A most disappointing day.

Went to the doctor, and I'm still dilated just 1 cm. She said I may have thinned out a little more, but "nothing to write home about." I was really hoping to have progressed more.

Don't get me wrong, it's like I said before, I love being pregnant. It's wonderful. But I'm getting tired.

And not just because of lack of sleep. I know I have a lot more of that to look forward to, and that's fine. But I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of not being able to do things that I could normally do. I hate getting worn out so easy. I feel so weak. And the heartburn. I've been dealing with it so long, and it only gets worse. I have it if I'm hungry. I have it after I eat. I have it while I try to sleep. And nothing helps. Tagament stopped working. Tums used to do the trick, but I eat so much Tums that I think I'm at serious risk for a kidney stone from all the calcium. But even Tums have lost their punch. So I'm going to try Pepsid. But I'm not hopeful at this point.

I know I shouldn't be complaining, since I've had it so easy until recently. I'm just tired, that's all.

Heartburn!

Well, here I am, at 3am with a bucket of ice cream in front of me. Praying that this might work. Losing sleep again because of heartburn. I've gotten pretty used to the heartburn, but sometimes its just worse than others. Like tonight. I've taken more than my day's worth of Tums just this evening. When that doesn't work, usually a glass of milk or some ice cream will. I've already tried the milk. So now I'm trying the ice cream. It's really my last resort. If this doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do.

I sleep all propped up, which has helped. But I think I made my mistake by eating when I got home from work tonight. I had a small dinner earlier tonight, so by the time I got home from work, I was pretty hungry again. I know better than to eat late. But I did it anyway. So now I'm paying for it. I should have just went to bed hungry.

My other discomforts are starting to add up now too. I guess I had to start being uncomfortable at some point, I've been so lucky so far. My back hurts pretty much all the time. Sometimes its mid-back, sometimes lower back, now that he's dropped. The most interesting pain of all is the cervical pain. I read that it is caused by his head hitting the cervix but the cervix not giving way. Sometimes I can actually feel him turn his head...and WHOA, that is a weird feeling. At first I described it as a tickle and a little hurt at the same time. Now it just hurts, its definately gotten more forceful.

I also get some cramps from time to time. Mostly when I'm walking around, and it is in my butt (left cheek usually) and runs down my thigh. I read that this is because he's sitting on the sciatic nerve...which can cause all manner of strange cramps.

Then I alternate between bursts of energy (nesting probably) and being absolutely wiped out.

I think yesterday I had some Braxton Hicks contractions. I keep wondering if I am going to be completely oblivious of early labor. Especially if its back labor, since my back hurts all the time anyway. Everything I read says it feels like menstrual cramps. But I never got cramps, so I don't know what that feels like! You'd think it would be common sense, and of course when they are getting stronger I will recognize it, but the early ones...who knows? I could miss those all together, I fear.

I'm starting to get kinda anxious about labor. Both in the sense that I'm nervous about it and that I'm ready to be done. I love being pregnant actually, don't get me wrong. It's been amazing. And its not just because I'm starting to be uncomfortable. I'm just ready to hold him, to see what he's like, to play with him...all of that.

I'm sure that time will come soon enough...let's just hope it's not another 3 weeks...

The countdown begins...

Went to the doctor today, got a lovely cervical exam. I told my mom that I know now why she sent a nurse flying across the room when she was in labor with me. There is nothing pleasant about this exam.

But anyway, the news is good. I am 50% effaced (thinned) and I am 1 cm dilated. Here is an explanation:

Cervix thins and shortens. The cervix begins to thin and shorten during prelabour (known as 'effacement'). The cervix is normally 3- 5cm thick. It needs to become paper-thin before it can dilate past 3 cms.

The thinning and shortening of the cervix is measured by the caregiver in terms of percentages. A thick, or 'uneffaced' cervix (0%) indicates that the cervix is unripe, feeling long and thick to touch. When the cervix is paper-thin, or 'fully effaced' (100%) it has been mostly pulled up into the lower segment of the uterine wall, allowing it then to dilate more than 3 cms.

Cervix opens. When the cervix is opening up (or dilating) it is measured by the caregiver in centimetres. A completely open cervix is approximately 10cm (The width of your baby's head). The cervix can be closed or up to 2 - 3 centimetres dilated before the strong labour begins.

The opening, thinning and pulling up of the cervix tends to happen simultaneously. The cervix cannot open beyond approximately 3 to 4cm until it has thinned or 'effaced' to 100 %. And the cervix can not thin and shorten (efface) without starting to open (dilate). A thick or very thin cervix up to 3 to 4cm dilation is usually classified as the prelabour stage of labour.


Also, she said that even though the ultrasound measured him 6lbs, 10oz, that often the ultrasound measures a little bigger than true size. So she thinks there is a very good chance that I'll be able to have him naturally. She said that aggressive weight gain from now on would be 1/2 lb a week. So if he's closer to 6 lbs, then we're looking at an 8 or 8.5 lb baby. So we'll see how things progress from here.

Other than that, Steve's mom came over and helped him put the crib and changing table together. His room is finally starting to look like a baby room! Tomorrow when I have more energy, I'll do a little more in there.

Other than that, I can definatly tell he's dropped. My back pain went from mid back to lower back, and there is constant pressure in my lower regions. The doc said during the exam she could feel his head, so he's definatly "getting into position". Things have actually felt different today since the exam, which really makes no sense...but I've just felt more pressure and pain since this morning.

I guess I have no room to complain. I've had an easy pregnancy up until now. At some point I'd have to pay my dues. I guess that time is now.

A pain in my neck...and back

Today is my most uncomfortable day yet. I'm not sure what all this nonsense is about, but I don't like it. First of all, my back and neck hurt really bad. I can't seem to work it out, it just hurts. Mostly through the center under my shoulder blades, but in general it hurts all over. I'm also very fatigued, despite sleeping well last night, and even sleeping in a little. I also feel a bit nauseous.

If it were not a Friday I would just call in sick and try and get some rest. But I have a program tonight, so the show must go on.

I'm going to take a nice hot shower with the massaging showerhead. Maybe that will help my back.

My big boy

Well, we got all moved to Imperial the first weekend of the month. Because this place is new, it took the cable company a while to get here to hook everything up. Which is why its been several weeks since I've posted.

Right after moving, we went for our 3D ultrasound appointment. I was so excited. Sadly, though, when we got there we had two problems: First, the little turd had his arm right across his face. Second, my fluid was low, so they weren't able to get a good picture. After a valiant effort by the ultrasound technician, we gave up. But they put me down to come back in a few days to recheck my fluids since they were low. At this point, I started getting really scared, and before I knew it, I was crying. And hormones being what they are, once the tears start flowing, they are hard to shut off! Well, I guess the tech felt sorry for me, because when I came back, she said that she would redo the 3D ultrasound for us, no charge. It was really sweet.

My fluids were back up, so we think it was just because of exhaustion and stress. When she retried the 3D, she was still having a hard time. His position wasn't much better, but at least the arm wasn't right in front of his face again. She did some measuring and noticed that he was measuring 2 weeks ahead, which is probably why she was having a hard time getting a good picture. They don't like to do the 3D past 33 weeks, which is what I was at the time. But she did eventually get a pretty good picture, which I attached here. Isn't he cute?!

At my appointment this week, I finally met with the doctor again. She did a cervical exam, which I will get the joy of having every week from here on out. I'm not dialated or anything yet. But as she was feeling my tummy, she started laughing. I said, "um...what?" And she said, "I'm sorry, it just feels like you have a huge baby in there."

Great.

Then she says, "I hope you are mentally prepared for the C-section you are probably going to have."

Super.

The next day I'm in for yet another ultrasound. Which I'm not complaining about, I love watching the ultrasounds. This one was so cute, he was knawing on his hand! But when the tech started doing the measurements, this is what she came up with:

6 pounds, 10 ounces. And with 5 weeks still to go!

So I imagine when I see the doctor on Monday, we'll be having a long discussion about C-sections. She said that if they do have to do the C-section, that they will schedule that for about a week before my due date.

I have much more to talk about, but I'm so tired right now. So for now I'll leave you with a little info on Week 35, and I'll post more tomorrow:

Your baby now weighs over 5.5 pounds and its crown-to-rump length is approximately 13.2 inches. Your baby's total length is around 20.25 inches at this point. Your uterus is now 6 inches from the bellybutton and the average weight gain is approximately 24 to 29 pounds.

Most pregnant women begin to feel cramped and heavy around this time and often become tired of being pregnant. Some women feel like they do not have to room to breathe or eat. You should eat small, but frequent, meals and rest as often as you can throughout the day. Your cervix will begin to dialte and efface within the next few weeks to make room for your baby's head to emerge from the birth canal. Your cervix needs to be 10 cm dilated in order to deliver your baby.

This week of your pregnancy your baby's fingernails will have definitely reached the tips of his fingers. When your baby is born, his nails may look long and pointy. Your baby is less likely to scratch himself at this point because of the lack of room in the uterus. Fat deposition will still continue and your baby is getting chubbier and more round. Your baby's shoulders are plump at this point.

The baby begins to develop its own immune system.

Yesterday's ultrasound

I just wanted to post pictures of the ultrasound from yesterday. Sorry about the poor quality of the pictures, my camera is still broken, so I had to take these with my webcam. I love how you can clearly see his little face. I think I see chipmunk cheeks! And its not really clear, but in the last picture, he's grabbing his foot with his little hand. CUTE!

31 weeks....plus two?

Dates and numbers:
There are 60 days until your due date on October 28, 2007.
You are 220 days pregnant.
You are 7.2 months pregnant.
You are in your 8th month of pregnancy. (huh?)
Your 1st trimester: January 21, 2007 to April 21, 2007. (0 - 12 weeks)
Your 2nd trimester: April 22, 2007 to August 04, 2007. (13 - 27 weeks)
Your 3rd trimester: August 05, 2007 to October 28, 2007. (28 - 40 weeks)

Your baby is continuing to grow each week that you remain pregnant. Your baby's crown-to-rump length is 11.2 inches and total length is 18 inches. Your baby weighs approximately 3.5 pounds at this point. Your uterus is about 4.4 inches above your bellybutton and continues to get larger. An average weight gain at this point is between 21 and 27 pounds. The weight that you gain is made up of your baby, placenta, blood supply, uterus, breasts, fat, water storage and amniotic fluid.

Because the ligaments and muscles supporting the small of your back relax and loosen in order to get ready for childbirth, your back may be aching from now on. There is usually nothing that can be done to prevent backaches, only to make them more comfortable. Many women get heartburn during these last few weeks of pregnancy because the oversized uterus leaves less room for the stomach and the contents within the stomach. Eating smaller, more frequent meals can help releive the discomforts of heartburn.

This week marks an incredible milestone in your baby's lung development. Before now, the air sacs and branches in your baby's lungs were present but not functionable. The lungs were not able to inflate properly. However, now there is surfactant being produced in your baby's lungs. Surfactant prevents your baby's lungs from collapsing outside of the uterus and the baby is able to take in air and breathe properly. The fetal ear is almost completely developed both inside and out. Your baby can hear your voice and other familiar sounds that she will recognize after birth. Your baby is putting on white fat under the skin and the skin's color is pink instead of red at this point. Your baby's fingernails have grown to the end of her fingers and she may scratch herself while she is in the womb.


That's what I'm SUPPOSED to be at right now. But at my doctor appointment today she measured my fundal height and noticed that I seemed big. So they scheduled me for an ultrasound this afternoon. He's measuring 2 weeks ahead. In fact, when she measured his head, he measured at 33 weeks, 6 days. So he's a big boy. He weighs 4.1 lbs. The ultrasound tech said the doctor would look over the pics and either call me or talk to me at my next appointment, which is on my birthday.

I also went looking at daycares today. It was rather depressing. Not the daycares, they were very nice, but the cost. One was 800 a month, the other was 1125. I about fell over. As much as I liked both of them, I don't know that we could afford it. I'll keep looking though, those were in Arnold. I am hoping maybe one in Festus will be cheaper without comprimising the quality too much. It is a very sad feeling knowing I can't provide my baby with the very best care. Someday we will I'm sure, but for now, money is going to be tight, life is going to be hard. I know it will all be worth it, of course, but I've gotten used to a "higher" (comparatively speaking) standard of living. Knowing I will have to go back to the times like I had when I was in school...of ramen, bologna sandwiches, and Goodwill clothing is kinda depressing. But we'll make it.

As for me, I'm still feeling good, except the heartburn. I eat Tums like its candy. I'm tired a lot, but I've been really busy lately too, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I lost 2 more pounds at my weigh-in today. But that could be that they have new scales too. But if not, when you consider the 15 lbs I lost initially, those 2 lbs, plus Beanie's 4 lbs and another pound or so for placenta, I'm down over 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight! The doc says that's perfectly fine as long as he's healthy. So that makes me really happy, all the less I'll have to lose after he gets here!

Week 29

When you are 29 weeks pregnant, your baby has also learned to use its brain to control primitive breathing. This means that if your baby is born now, he or she could probably breathe independently. He or she is also a lot better at controlling body temperature at this point in your pregnancy.

Other fetal development that is occurring around week 29 of pregnancy includes the following:

*The baby will be able to turn his or her head to find the source of a bright light. Your baby is continuing to become more sensitive to sounds, tastes, and smells.

*The fat layers will continue to form.

*The head is in proportion to the rest of the body.

*The eyes can move in the sockets.

*The bones are fully developed, but they are still soft and pliable.

*The baby will begin to store iron, calcium, and phosphorus.

Your baby now weighs around 2.5 pounds and measures about 13-15 inches long from head to toe. At this stage a fetus's eyes are almost always blue and can distinguish bright sunlight or artificial light through the uterine wall. Your baby's movements may not be as acrobatic since space has become more cramped, but you will still feel a lot of kicking and stretching. In boys, testicles descend from near the kidneys through the groin en route to the scrotum. Your baby's head is getting bigger, and brain growth is very rapid at this time. Nearly all babies react to sound by 30 weeks.

As for me, I'm doing well. It's be unbearably hot the past couple weeks. Today it was 102 degrees. Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter. In fact, it is 10pm and is still 94 with a heat index of 98. Ugh. I'm just thankful that I haven't gained a lot of weight and it hasn't been any harder on me then a normal summer. I try to keep inside as much as possible. In fact, this last Saturday I cancelled my daytime program because of the heat. Plus our visitation is way down because of the heat, so I'm sure I would have been hard-pressed to get any visitors at it anyway.

I have still been feeling good. I get a little short of breath sometimes, and I've had a couple episodes when my pulse races some. But at all my doctor appointments, my blood pressure is always right on, so I'm not too worried. The baby is turned head-down I believe, because I always seem to get kicked in the ribs. But that's a good thing, as long as he doesn't flip back around, we won't have to worry about him being breech. Let's see...other than that, I just have the types of things you'd expect...heartburn, always have to pee, and the ever-constant "baby brain". Which I'm seriously having issues with on some days. It's bad enough to have ADD and be forgetful (and can't take my medicine!), its another to have that AND baby brain on top of it. I'm really surprised I get anything at all done at work sometimes. But I'm sure its partially my fault. If I would get more rest I would probably feel better. But it wouldn't be my life if it wasn't crazy-busy! I leave Sunday for a conference, then the next week I have to go to Jeff City one day for a meeting, when I get back I have to pack, then Stephen is home on the 3rd, then we will move shortly after that. So the next few weeks I will pretty much be catatonic.

Belly Button Watch

Yes, still an innie!!


Waaahoo!

Week 27

A little about Week 27:

Wow! By pregnancy week 27 your baby is over 2 pounds and is almost 15 inches long! That's quite large considering your baby's original size was smaller than a grain of rice! Your baby is now perfectly formed, though she still has a lot of growing to do in the upcoming weeks.

During pregnancy week 27 your baby's internal organs and systems continue to grow, mature and develop. Most noticeably, around pregnancy 27 weeks your baby's eyelids will open. Up until this point in time they were fused together. Around pregnancy week 27 and 28 they finally open. During this time the retina of the eye also starts maturing, allowing your baby's eyes to finally receive light and translate images.


How is Jamie doing during Week 27? Well, I'm doing great. I still feel great. I also STILL haven't gained any weight. How is it that I am entering my 7th month of pregnancy and not gained a pound, you may wonder? I have no freaking clue. All I know is that every doctor appointment I have, I'm weighing in at what I did at my 4 month appointment. At first I was really relieved. I still am, really, because I was afraid of gaining too much weight and being miserable. However, it is starting to get old when I have to keep hearing "You don't look pregnant!" "Are you sure you are pregnant?" and the worst..."You better gain some weight for that growing baby!" ugh, like I'm already a bad mother because I'm not putting on enough weight.

For their information, at my last doctor appointment (on the 20th), the doctor said that we're going to have to keep an eye on him-because he's measuring BIG. In fact, she said he's at the high end of measurement for how far along I am. Which boggles the mind even more when you look at my non-existant pregnant belly. But she does want me to eat more and try to gain a little weight, and I'm trying, but its just not happening. I don't know if he's just using a lot of what I'm taking in, or if its because I can't eat as much in one sitting, maybe a combination of both. Either way, rest assured people...the baby is healthy, he kicks me and moves around every day. He's a big boy, despite my lack of getting huge. But it would be nice to show off a pregnant belly. At this rate I'll never look pregnant!

My only complaint lately has been the heartburn. Heartburn after I eat, heartburn when I'm hungry, heartburn for no apparent food-related reason. But Tums have been doing the trick, so I'm popping those several times a day.

Also right now my gums are all torn up. I guess I've had a lot of "abrasive" foods in the past couple days or something. But they hurt, and they do bleed sometimes when I brush, but that is all normal.

I think I had my first Braxton-Hicks contractions a couple of days ago. I would get a little cramp that lasted just a second or two, and later that day another one, then one not long after....even though I knew what it was, it still scared me a little.

Other than that, Stephen will be home in exactly 30 days. I think I found us a duplex in Imperial, but still waiting to hear on that. And right now I'm really wiped out, so more later, but for now...sleep.

Belly Button Watch

....Still an innie.....

Yay.

Exhaustion and swollen feet

Wow, these past few weeks have been a blur. I had a special event at the park, then I had my Wild Edibles program, and right after that Mid Season training (that I had to plan by myself). Whew, talk about overload. I'm absolutely exhausted.

Yesterday really wore me out. For part of the mid season training, the group came to my park to look for reptiles and amphibians. We walked all over the place! I also found a new cave in the park, which was very exciting. But by the end of all that walking in the 105 degree heat index, I was wiped out. I came home and passed out pretty early last night. And this morning, my feet were all swollen. I propped them up while at work, and that seemed to help.. After lunch it went back down. Hope that was just because of all the walking I did yesterday, and not the start of a regular thing.

Not much else to report. Still doing the same, don't seem to be gaining any weight still. I feel him moving around every day. I still seem to carry him low for the most part. I'm still in awe when I feel the little kicks. I go to the doctor tomorrow for a checkup. I'll actually meet my new doctor for the first time. My first visit there was with a nurse practitioner.

And the best news...I think we can safely say Stephen will be home between Sept 1-3. Its still later than we wanted, its still seems kinda far off, but having a solid date at least makes me feel better.

That's all I can think of for now, I'm just too tired to think too much.

I stand corrected

I made a mistake with Stephen's return date. He should be back around the 1st of September.

Name?

Oh yeah, and the name we are thinking about is:

Ethan John

Not set in stone, but the general consensus so far is everyone likes it.

The heat is on in Week 24

It is definatly summer! Temps have been in the mid to upper 90s here all week. So far I'm handling the heat about as well as I usually do. I haven't been great about heat for several years, so this comes as no surprise. Luckily I still haven't gained a bunch of weight, because that would make the heat even harder to deal with. In fact, I don't think I've gained any weight still. I stopped losing several weeks ago, so I guess I've leveled out. But the little guy continues to push my belly out, so what fat I did still have there is now being shoved out for all the world to see!

And my belly button still looks normal. So far so good on that.

I feel him kicking on and off throughout the day, and I can even watch my belly move sometimes. That is still really odd to watch. He's moved up some too. For the past few days instead of getting kicked square in the bladder, I'm getting kicked in the belly button area, or right above it. In fact, I had to pause writing this so I could watch my belly move. Not sure what he's doing in there, but it feels like he's shifting around...the kicks were above my belly button, now they are back on it again. Guess he's getting settled in for the night. I've decided that he doesn't like it if I lay on my back. The few times I've tried that he seems to get really active.

Things have been going well otherwise. Work settled down for a couple weeks, but now its busy again. I have a wild edibles program on Saturday, so I will spend the rest of this week preparing for that. Luckily we have a front moving through that is supposed to cool things down. That will make life a lot less miserable. I also was put in charge of setting up a Mid Season training for my district, and that is next Tues and Wed. Its a lot of work, and I sure hope I have it all lined out. I keep having nightmares that everything goes wrong and its a big disaster. I've never planned anything like this and I've been doing it all by myself, so it should be interesting. So far though, I'm really excited about it. We have some great sessions planned and even better field trips for the second day.

The only bad thing thats happened lately is that I found out Stephen probably won't be home until the first week or so of September. The new teacher doesn't want to start until the 9th, and Stephen's boss is holding his ticket over his head to essentially blackmail him into staying until the new teacher starts. It really upsets me because she knows the situation and seems to have absolutely no sympathy for us. As disappointing as it is, it will mean another 2 grand in his pocket, and we can't really argue with that.

Hopefully this pregnancy will continue to go as smoothly as it has been, and it won't be an issue.

A little about week 24:
There are 111 days until your due date on October 30, 2007.
You are 169 days pregnant.
You are 5.5 months pregnant.
You are in your 6th month of pregnancy. (huh?)
Your 1st trimester: January 23, 2007 to April 23, 2007. (0 - 12 weeks)
Your 2nd trimester: April 24, 2007 to August 06, 2007. (13 - 27 weeks)
Your 3rd trimester: August 07, 2007 to October 30, 2007. (28 - 40 weeks)

This week your baby's crown-to-rump length is 8.4 inches and your baby will weigh 1.2 pounds. Although it weighs a little over a pound at this point, your growing baby is still tiny. Your uterus can easily be felt 1.5 to 2 inches above your bellybutton. The fetus does not appear to have much room in the uterus anymore, but as your pregnancy progresses, space gets much tighter!

Your baby's face is basically complete now. The fetus's eyes are close together on the front of his face and they are still shut. Your baby's ears have moved into their final position on the sides of his head. Where they are now is where they will be when your baby is born! Hair will continue to grow on his scalp and his eyelashes are well developed. Most of your baby's features look the same as they will at birth. Because your growing baby is getting plumper, he no longer has room in your tummy to do cartwheels and somersaults.

It is....ALIVE!

Amazing! I was just laying here on the couch watching "Last Comic Standing", and suddenly Beanie started kicking me pretty hard. For some reason I decided to pull up my shirt and watch my belly. And then BOING! My whole tummy under my belly button bounced! Gasp! I thought maybe I was seeing things. So I waited...and then...BOING! He gave me a swift kick again!

I could almost point to the spot on my stomach where his little foot was.

It was cool and at the same time...strange. Like in the movie "Aliens" when the little alien pops out of the guy's stomach. Or, more my style, in Spaceballs when the alien pops out with a top hat and cane and sings "Hello my Baby, Hello my Darling, Hello my Ragtime Gal...." haha...maybe I shouldn't have had the special for dinner. :D

I don't know why my little guy was so fiesty, maybe he didn't like the tacos I made for dinner, but he sure made his presence known tonight!

Other than that, I'm still feeling great. Running to the bathroom every hour is getting really old, especially in the middle of the night. I think I get up about 3-4 times a night. I have a feeling it is because the doctor said I was carrying him really low, so he's probably putting a lot of pressure on my bladder.

The name search continues...I tossed out the names Spencer, Preston, Connor, Mason, Dylan, and Colin. Stephen said none really jumped out at him. None really did for me either, but for me the only one that seems to jump out is Braden. But I really am trying to get passed that. We'll see what we come up with...

It's a...

BOY!

Had the ultrasound yesterday, and its definatly a boy!

It was a pretty long ultrasound, the new doctor is very thorough. She checked to make sure he had a 4 chambered heart, that he had all parts of his brain, that his spine looked good...and of course we looked for all fingers and toes! She even looked at his diaphram and lungs. Everything looked good and normal. He was even measuring a little big, she said. This could mean he's going through a growth spurt right now, and doesn't mean he's going to be a big baby. In fact, up until this ultrasound, he'd been measuring smallish.

She did have some troubles getting images, especially when she was trying to look at the heart. He was head down, and sitting diagonally across my belly. The way he had his neck crooked, it looked painful! But she finally got what she needed, and he was generous enough to give us a good view of his "stuff". I was worried he'd be turned weird and it would be hidden!

Stephen was on the phone with me, and my parents came along. I think he was slightly disappointed at first, he wanted a girl, but I think that passed. It was a surprise, everyone was getting it in my head that it was going to be a girl! At first I really wanted a boy badly, then I warmed up to the idea of a girl, so it didn't matter either way to me, I was just glad to hear he was healthy.

Now the journey to find a name begins...

Anxious

I'm really excited, tomorrow is a big day! Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby!! It's been a while since I've had an ultrasound. I was getting to where I was really looking forward to them. And I don't know if I'll really get another one after this one. So I'll have to really savor this one.

Beyond that, the belly is about the same, just a little pooching out. I can definatly tell the difference in how I move around. My center of gravity is off. I guess it won't be too long and I'll be doing that pregnancy "waddle"!

Heartburn is becoming an ever constant in my life. I get it after I eat, I get it when I'm hungry, I get it at random times throughout the day. But a couple of Tums work on it pretty fast. I guess just all the pressure from my growing belly is causing it. My appetite has also been increasing. I will get hungry a couple of hours after a meal. I'll have to start packing snacks at work I guess. Hopefully this isn't the part where I put on 50 lbs. I've rather liked the idea that I've lost weight so far, if I can be careful not to gain a whole bunch for the remainder of the pregnancy, then I'll be in good shape.

The heat is really getting to me. I have never been able to handle heat too well, but it seems to get to me a bit faster now. Tonight as we were getting ready for the program to start, my seasonal asked me if I was in a bad mood or something. I appreciated his honesty. I told him I wasn't, I was just tired and not feeling well, and I really think it is because of the heat. Tonight wasn't too bad temperature-wise, but the humidity was really high. One of those days you walk outside and within minutes you are drenched in sweat. Blah. And summer just started. I'm sure it will only get worse. The good news is that I haven't gained a ton of weight, so at least I'm not huge AND having to deal with the heat. But the hottest months are still ahead, we'll see how it goes...

Until tomorrow....

Being pregnant makes you stupid

As if having ADD isn't bad enough. I have always been forgetful. And clumsy. And a bit scatterbrained at times. But it doesn't compare to "mommy brain" as some people fondly call it. Apparently being pregnant makes you stupid. And this is normal!

It's starting to get really annoying. I feel bad for my seasonals at work, they must think I'm a complete ditz.

Yesterday I left work without getting all of my stuff from my program out of the back of the truck. This would be no big deal had one of those things not been my softshell turtle. Yeah. You know what's coming. I get a phone call at 5pm (5 hrs after I had left work) from the Ranger who found the poor turtle. He's dead. I baked him in the sun because I forgot about him.

And today I forgot to go to the store and get cat food. So the poor kitties go hungry tonight because their mommy's brain has gone on vacation.

I wouldn't mind if my little forgetful moments were simple like where I left my keys. But I'm killing and starving poor animals!

Other than that I woke up with a backache today. Right by my shoulderblades. I hope it goes away by tomorrow-which is supposed to be my day off. But NOOOOO I can't seem to say no to people, so tomorrow I get to go on a 3 mile hike. In the heat. Oh joy.

Ugh. Its 1am and I'm bitchy. I should have been in bed long ago. I guess I'll head there now.

I'm so PISSED!

The phone rings at 8:30 this morning, its my doctor in Farmington. They tell me that they want to cancel my gender appointment for Monday. Why? Because I am going to be seeing a new doctor and "since they transferred my records they don't want to play ping pong like that. Plus the gender appointment is a freebie that their office gives to patients and I'm not even going to be staying as a patient..."

Bull crap. Doctors give the ultrasounds at 20 weeks to make sure everything is going as it should. A lot of women don't even get one until then. This guy was just being the big jerk that he is.

So they woke me up on my sleep in day. And made me cry. Thats a good way to really piss Jamie off.

The new doctor in St. Louis was so nice, and I have an appointment with them on Thursday, and she said they would schedule me an ultrasound for Saturday. That will be tough with my schedule but I'll make it work. The good news is Mom and Dad will be back from vacation and will get to go to it now, which will make them really happy. And me too, I didn't really want to go alone.

Belly!

Wow, what a difference a few days can make. A week ago you wouldn't know I was almost halfway through my pregnancy. A couple days after that I felt kicks and flutters, and a couple of days after that I'm getting a belly! Finally! After losing weight in the beginning, I'm finally starting to pooch out. But its literally like you wake up one day and say "whoa, my belly feels bigger". I kinda noticed yesterday, but was too distracted by a migrane to pay much attention. Today I really noticed.

And today marks the halfway point of the pregnancy...wow...already. Week 20. Hard to imagine, its going so fast The baby should be between 5-6 inches now, and weigh about 9 ounces. And it starts to hear this week. Mommy better start watching her mouth! haha!

As for me, I feel good still. My gums are sore today, which I read is very normal because of increased blood flow. But I have to be careful because pregnant women are more susceptible to getting gingivitis, so I am thinking about scheduling a cleaning soon...which I'm desperately overdue for anyway. I just hate the dentist. I've also noticed some extra vericose veins on my legs, YUCK! Its just a couple, but still...those don't go away. I've been spending too much time on my feet and working, so I am going to be sure and get plenty of rest on my days off instead of running myself to death like I usually do.

Kicks!

Well I'm now 19 weeks and yesterday I felt my first kicks! I know I thought I was feeling flutters before, and maybe I did, but there was no mistaking this one. I was sitting in a training class yesterday afternoon, anxiously awaiting break because I had to pee really bad, and suddenly I felt as if someone gave me a little slug...on the inside. And it was uncomfortable because I had to go to the bathroom so bad...the baby has good aim, I guess! The baby gave me three good kicks and then was quiet the rest of the day. It was really amazing. I felt it today too, again while sitting in class. She was very active around 10:30-11am.

I would have posted all this yesterday, but I was just too exhausted. I will be really glad to get home.

In other news, I have a new doctor. I will be seeing a female doctor in St. Louis. She delivers at St. Johns, which I have heard a lot of good things about. I was really scared she wouldn't take me as a patient since I'm so far along. I'm actually keeping my appointment with my old doctor for my gender ultrasound on the 18th (I can't wait!). Then after that I'll be seeing the new doctor.

I'm getting REALLY anxious to know what it is, and the closer it gets to the 18th, the harder it is to wait! But it will be here before I know it...then we can get down to names.

Amazingly, Stephen and I may have actually agreed on a name! We'd had some troubles in that department. It was kind of strange how we stumbled on it too. I was talking to him online, and he was at work, killing time before his students arrived. In the middle of the conversation this pops up: "Hi Jamie, my name is Kayla."

Huh? I think is what I said, it was so random. Then he said that one of his students was watching over his shoulder as he typed, and wanted to say hello to me. Apparently she is one of his favorites. We both agreed we liked that name, so we are definatly putting it on the list. I don't want people calling her "Kay" for short though, YUCK. So we might call her "Makayla" and then for short we have "Kayla". But we'll see.

We haven't even attempted to find a boy name yet...finding a girl one was exhausting enough! But if come Monday we find out that we need to start looking at boy names, you can bet the debate will ensue!

Exhaustion and flutters

Okay, I've done it again. I do this every time in my life that I've tried to keep a journal. I get busy, and I just forget to post. Though lately I haven't had a whole lot to post about. I've been feeling really good for the past month. With the exception of a few headaches and some sinus problems, that is. But those typical "pregnancy woes" that many women have to endure...I've managed to escape.

But work has really picked up, I've put in a lot of overtime the past couple weeks. It used to not phase me at all, but I'm definatly feeling it now. I'm exhausted. And the worst part is, the couple of days I had that I could sleep in a little, I couldn't. Woke right up at 8:30am. So I can't seem to catch up on my sleep. I plan on going to bed as soon as I get done posting this, and I don't have to be at work tomorrow until 1pm, so hopefully I can sleep in some.

I still haven't gained any weight. In fact, I've continued to lose. At my last appointment (May 18), I had lost 6 more pounds. The doctor is not worried, so I just count myself lucky. I was afraid I would end up gaining a bunch of weight during this. That may still happen, but so far so good. I think my tummy is going to start pooching out very soon. Buttons on pants are starting to irritate me to the point I have to unbutton them. Today I've just had a "full" feeling...maybe thats some sort of sign that I'll be pooching out soon. I dunno.

Onto more exciting news (maybe)...the past two days I've been feeling weird little fluttery cramplike things in my tummy. I worry its just gas, but I'm hoping that what I'm feeling is those first little baby movements! Its exciting!

Head, shoulders, knees and toes....

Again with the lack in postings! I figured this would happen, I'm so forgetful. But its been mostly uneventful lately so I guess I shouldn't be too upset.

Today I had my "neck" appointment as Dr. Snyder calls it (since this one you can see a neck, obviously). Each one gets more and more exciting. We saw a head, a nose, ears...and of course long arms and legs. Big feet, actually, or they looked big anyway. She moved and wiggled and was so cute as she held out her hands in front of her, almost as if in prayer. (keep in mind, I use "she" because that sounds so much better than "it". We don't yet know the sex.) The heart rate was around 167, so still fast, but nothing to worry about. This time they were looking for any "red flags" that would make them suspect down's syndrome. Apparently, downs syndrome fetus' don't typically have a nasal bone at this stage. Ours does. Down's Syndrome babies also have a bright white spot that will show up on the heart, ours didn't. And apparently every fetus has a little pouch like structure on the back of the neck, and in a DS baby, its really big. Ours was tiny. So he said while it can't ever be 100%, he is positive enough that he won't require any additional tests.

We also finally talked dad into coming in to watch, since he's been disappointed that you can't hear the heartbeat on the DVD they make. I think he was weirded out by the whole deal, since these are intervaginal ultrasounds, but I was all covered and it turned out okay. I think he was glad he was in there for it. Luckily this was the last one of those I'd have to get. Or so I thought...

When I got home, I had locked myself out of the house. Which sucked, cause I didn't have a spare stashed anywhere. For some reason I thought I would check my car, which I NEVER leave unlocked EVER. And what do you know? Unlocked. Okay, so I hit the garage door opener. But I also NEVER leave the door going to the house from the garage unlocked. Checked it, and what do you know...unlocked. I about fell over. Craziest thing ever, cause I can't think of a single day since I moved here that I've left either of those unlocked. Especially living alone.

Anyway, I saw mom and dad off, then decided I would check the DVD and rip it to the computer so I could send to Stephen. It didn't work. Computer told me "you have inserted a blank DVD". NOOOOooooo!!!! I was devastated. Started to cry almost, cause its bad enough poor Stephen can't be here with me to see that, but now he wont even be able to see the video! I called the doctor to see if they by chance were saved on the computer...but no. I was so upset. About a half hour later though, Dr. Snyder calls me himself. He said "when can you come back in?" It was so amazing, they didn't have to do that for me, but they squeezed me in this afternoon so I could have a video for him. And they didn't rush through it, he took his time to get lots of good shots and point out things on the baby in the video. We got a great butt shot at one point, and you could see those long legs and big feet, crossed....and for a moment it almost seemed like there was a little crack. Was it butt crack or something else? Hmm it shall remain a mystery for 8 more weeks...

Other than that, the story lately has been migranes. About every 3 or 4 days one comes on, and they are the worst I've ever had. So bad that black washes over my eyes when I try to get up and move around...like I'm going to black out. Dr. Snyder gave me some migrane meds, so that is great, cause tylonol wasn't cutting it.

Thats really about it. Appetite is still weird, eating about half the portion I would normally eat. But it keeps me from gaining a bunch of weight. In fact, I lost another pound since my last visit. But they don't seemed concerned, so I won't be either!

It is very late so I'm going to crash, I'll try to post pictures soon.

April Fools Day

I made it through the day without getting fooled, hooray!

More on this house below....I don't know how to put the pictures anywhere else but up top, sorry!


This weekend went pretty good, I didn't do much. I had a horrible headache on Friday, I had to come home early from work because of it. I can't seem to get anything done with my head pounding so hard I feel like I'm going to pass out. It was mostly a sinus headache, because its that lovely time of year. Last year I took sinus meds pretty much every day from April-October. Now, I can't. No sinus meds. No Excedrine. I'm going to DIE!!! Not really, but I am going to suffer, there's no doubt. The humidfier still helps a lot. I had the windows open in the house to let some of this lovely air in, and I wonder why my allergies bother me....hmmm....DUH!

But tonight I did have some stomach issues, but I think that had less to do with being preggo and more to do with my horrible attempt at making dinner tonight. You wouldn't think it would be too difficult to make fetticuini. But when I poured in the sauce I decided it was too bland, so I thought I would raid the spice cabinet and try to fix it up. Yeah, bad idea. It ended up tasting like crap! haha. Then to mask the horrible taste I ate a big ol piece of cake (which I baked at 11pm the other night! haha). So you can imagine what my stomach thought of all this.

So here I am, tired as hell at 11pm, but can't go to bed cause I don't want to lay down just yet. I took some antacids and they are helping. But ugh.

About that house picture now....

The house I was looking at in Pevely I'm giving up on. The guy was pushy and he just left a bad taste in my mouth. I don't need that shit. So I found this great place in Hillsboro, its one that got foreclosed on and isn't quite finished. Which means we can get it uber-cheap. And since Steve's dad builds houses (and taught Steve how to do all of it too), we can finish it for cost. And could stand to make 75 grand on the place, probably more, when we are ready to resell. Its some hell of a deal if we want to put the time and money into it. It would definatly pay off. I think it would be really fun to learn, yeah its hard work, but it would be really gratifiying to walk through your house and know that you did all that. So we'll see, I'm going to have Steve Sr. come out with me when he can to look at it and give us an idea how much it will cost to finish it. And hopefully the bank is really desperate to be rid of the place! I'll keep you all posted...

Tears of....

Everything. Joy, sadness, cause there was a cute baby on the tv....it doesn't matter. I am crying and don't even know why! Cause it was so cute when the dog jumped up on the couch and laid her head on my chest? Sure. Because its hard to go through this all alone? Yep. Because sometimes I get scared and want that someone special to hold me and reassure me that everything is going to be fine and I'm going to be a great mom? Definatly. Because I watched my baby dance today in the ultrasound? You better believe it.

Today's ultrasound was so much different then the first, and its only been two weeks. Last time you really only could see a dot, kinda bean shaped, and that heart beating. And you couldn't hear the heart very good. But this time...wow. I first heard that heart, loud and clear. Then I saw the baby...big head, and two little arms and two little legs. It was...breathtaking. Then...she twiched. So the doctor said "Come on, dance little gummy bear, dance...." (he calls them gummy bears cause really at this stage, that is what it looks like). And after a moment, that is exactly what she did! She moved and bent at the waist, and moved those little arms and legs....it was just so cute! I start to cry for joy at what I was watching. Later I cried because he wasn't there to share it with me. No one was. Which was fine, can't expect my parents to drop everything and come down here every time...mom had to work and all. But it was such a cool moment, it felt like it should have been shared with someone.

Heartbeat was 183, nice and healthy. I've taken to calling the baby a she because I keep having dreams that its a girl, and I feel thats better than "it". So until such time as I'm told its a boy, we'll just go with "she".

I know the crying is all hormonal, and its really just started kicking in. But it still makes me crazy, it makes me wonder what it is that I should be dealing with...its easy to forget that there really is no reason for it at all!

I've not gained any weight, actually lost a pound since my last doctor visit. But they said that was fine, especially since I was a little overweight anyway, its a good thing, they don't want me gaining too much.

Last week I was gone at a Visioning conference for work. I gave a presentation on "No Child Left Inside" and got everyone brainstorming possibilities for a statewide initiative on getting children and families back outside. My director personally told me that our session was the best of the whole conference, and they are really excited about persuing an initiative. It was really great. So I'll probably be on a steering committee for this very soon, and it is going to be statewide, multi-agency, and very exciting. I think I really impressed some important people too, which is always a good thing! ;) Apparently there are already rumors going around that I'm on the "fast track" to moving up to Central Office. Which I have mixed feelings about, but hey, for enough money, even I can be persueded! Ha!

I'll do better about posting, I promise. For now I need to eat some dinner. I've been feeling pretty good, as long as I eat as soon as I get out of bed. I was kinda sick last Tuesday, not sure why, but been fine every other day. Glad I'm not having sickness and stuff that other women go through. I'll take the tiredness and crying over that any day!! As soon as I get to my parents house I will scan the ultrasound pics and post them here.

Yawn....

This week has been soo exhausting. I haven't really done anything, but just so tired all the time.

Yeah, that's all I have. I'm too tired to write.

Its a.....

Grub worm! Ha...well thats what my sarcastic Colonel Sanders look-alike doctor said today.


I had my first doctor appointment today, where I had the great pleasure of peeing in a cup, getting probed by said Colonel Sanders, and finally getting to see my little girl or boy on the screen for the first time. It really was amazing. We couldn't see much, as the baby is only 1/4" long right now. When he turned it just right, it was kinda bean shaped I guess, but what you see loud and clear was something that seemed to comprise half of the baby's body mass. And as I watched I saw it move, up down, up down...so very fast. Without a word I knew that I was watching a tiny little heart, pumping blood through even tinier veins, through this tiny little body.

And I was breathless.

It is so amazing, that something so small can be so complex already. I just have no words...

I have a DVD of it all, which is really awesome cause I can send a copy to Steve. The doc also gave me a due date: October 28. And in two weeks I get to go back and get another ultrasound...cause by then I'll be able to see legs and arms!

I'm still feeling pretty good, had a monster headache Saturday but have felt okay since. I'm hungry about every 2 hours, which is really annoying. Stomach was a little shakey after lunch today, don't know if its the wings we had or if it was nerves because we went and talked to the house people today so mom and dad could see what it would look like. Other than that, feeling good, just tired and hungry. :)

Exhaustion and cream cheese

I've not posted the past couple of days because I've just been too exhausted. Yesterday we burned at Onondaga. It wasn't a hard unit, only 120 acres. I know it sounds like a lot, but compared to Johnsons Shut Ins where we have an 800 acre unit, this one was a cake walk. The worst part was climbing the ridge to our starting point. Then it was mostly downhill from there, sometimes very steep so I was careful not to twist my ankle. Most of the time I carried the rake and just tried to watch out for snags that could cause problems. But my crew leader did let me use the drip torch for about half of the time. And boy was it a good fire, it burned HOT! Big flames, fire whirls, all that stuff made it very exciting! But made me sooo pooped.

When I got back to town Ben called and invited me to have dinner with him and Tiffany. I thought it sounded nice, especially since he was making me fried pickles...YUM! So I went over there for a couple hours, but once my tummy was full, it all started to hit me and I thought I was going to pass out on my dinner plate! So I came home, but wanted to stay up for a little bit since the dog had been cooped up all day. But less an hour later, (right before 10), I was falling asleep on the couch! So it was off to bed with me.

This morning, despite having 8 hrs of sleep, when the alarm went off I did NOT want to get out of bed. I've been a walking zombie all day today! And tonight 10:00 hit and I was falling asleep on the couch again! So not like a night owl like me, usually I'm luckty if I'm in bed by midnight! But as I post this my eyes burn so bad, I just want to sleep!

Have to get up early tomorrow though, baby and I are going on our first salamander hunt! haha. I set up some herp arrays, which are some buckets buried in the ground, one at each point in a Y shape, with aluminum flashing connecting them. The idea is the salamanders are trotting toward their breeding ponds, they hit the flashing, cant climb it, so they follow it until PLOP, the fall into the bucket. Then in the morning I go out, count and record them, and let them go. And they move on the first warm rainy night of the spring...which should be tonight! So we'll see what we find in the morning.

Got my first food aversion today I think. Was running a little late this morning so made myself a bagel with cream cheese to go. In the car, on my way to work, I took a big bite of my yummy Earthgrains bagel with whipped cream cheese and...UGh...I didn't think I'd chew it enough to swallow before hurling! It was the strangest thing. So I waited a few min, took a drink of my chocoolate milk, and tried again. Same reaction! So I guess baby has decided that mommy doesn't like cream cheese anymore. :( Wonder what is next? If it's ice cream or steak, I think I'll just die.

Dreams are telling..?

I had a dream last night about getting my ultrasound. In the dream I heard the doctor say very clearly...

"It's a girl."


So do I instinctively know that its a girl and I'm warning myself to put my boy hopes on hold? Or does it mean nothing and some other night I will dream about a boy? Who knows, but the dream says girl, for what it's worth. Guess we'll wait and see...

Cleaning fatigue

Today I cleaned the house, and now I am exhausted. I didn't even do all that much. Just picked up the clutter, did some laundry, vaccumed all the rooms, swept and mopped, and cleaned the kitchen. Well, now that I list it out, it does sound like a lot...but still, I used to be able to do a mad cleaning spree and clean the whole house and not be near this tired. I wanted to clean the garage today, but that didn't happen. And I'm pretty upset about that. But I had to clean up the house first. Maybe next weekend.

Got a wonderful phone call from Stephen yesterday. He wanted to tell me that he was "really really excited" about the baby. I was so happy to hear him say that, and it made me feel so good. He also had a great idea-to make a video diary when he gets back for the baby. Then we can burn it to a DVD, and someday show it to him/her and embarrass them ;) I thought it was a fabulous idea. I'm glad he's getting as into this as I am. Now if I just had a house for my family....but I'm working on that too.

Feeling really good still, other than getting worn out faster. And the sore chest, but I can tolerate that. I have dreams every night that are baby related. Going to the ultrasound, shopping for furniture, etc. So far I've yet to see the baby in the dream, I'm still always just pregnant.

I'm really tired but I need a shower and still have to run to the store. More later.

Stormy Day

Our first storms of the season blasted through today!! And the spring peepers are out and peeping away (one of the most beautiful sounds, I think). I am soo happy! Soon the trees will be green again, and flowers will be blooming. Yay!

My meeting yesterday went great, they loved our ideas. We could see a statewide initiative with MY ideas happening in the next year. How exciting!

There was something else I really wanted to write about, but damn if my ADD isn't really showing itself today. I can't remember a damn thing. But I was really proud of myself today. At work I spent most of the day cleaning and organizing all of my naturalist stuff at work. It was a chore, my predecessor had a lot of worthless crap saved up. But with Ben's help, we got it done, and it is a relief. And I know without his help I would have gotten frustrated and quit, because I would have been overwhelmed by all the clutter and crap we found in there.

Now, the challenge will be cleaning my house this weekend, which includes cleaning out the garage. That is going to be sooo hard...there is so much crap to sift through, I don't know why I have some of it! And the house is a cluttered mess, its not really dirty since I gave it a more than thorough cleaning before Steve got here. But the clutter is getting to the unbearable point. I've just been so overwhelmed/emotional/TIRED to want to do anything after work recently. But it has to get done this weekend, if I have to look at this much longer, I'm pretty sure I'll have an anurism.

Well I've rambled hoping that I would remember what it was that I was wanting to write about, but alas, that did not work. So instead I am going to go in my room with my new "What To Expect When You're Expecting" book that Amazon delivered to me today, and read for a while. Then I'm going to crash early for once.

Oh and other than tired, I feel pretty good. Sinus woes are beginning. I got a humidifier at Wally World tonight, so we'll see if that helps. And I feel like I'm gaining weight already. I don't know why I would, my eating has been pretty much the same as it always was. I don't get it. Other than that though, I feel great. No morning sickness at all so far! Let's hope it stays that way!!

The word is out

Well, I told everyone at work today. Carla is the "mother hen" type, so she was most shocked as she knows the most about my situation with Dave and all that. But the guys were just like "oh hey, thats great, congrats!" And that was it. Why can't everyone be like that? Haha. I told my friend Michelle too, although reluctantly. I knew that because of her religious beliefs, she would not be happy with me. And she wasn't. Even though she met Stephen and liked him very much...I think she really couldn't get past the "out of wedlock" part. So I just gave her the old "everything happens for a reason", and she really couldn't argue with that. HEHE! But it is still frustrating that someone who I've known for years, who knows me really well, can instantly turn on you like that...over some stupid 2,000 year old moral code. Seriously people.

Anyway, not much else to say about today, I'm feeling kinda icky like maybe I'm getting a cold, or maybe just sinus stuff. Either way I'm stuck with it cause I can't take medicine. I've been coughing some this evening, wil have to keep an eye on it.

Tomorrow is a very exciting day. I have a presentation that I wrote for a conference last year that is all about children's "disconnection" with the natural world, and how studies are showing being outdoors in green spaces is healthy for children, in many different ways. And interpreters such as myself are that link between those children and the outdoors which, sadly, many of them fear. Anyway, this presentation has caught like wildfire. It helps that it is based on a book that has done very well, and the auther coined it "nature deficit disorder" and also said we need a nationwide movement to curb this problem, and he coined that "No Child Left Inside". Well, I have been asked to present this session 6 times at various conferences and trainings! The one that is coming up is a Visioning conference for the entire Division of State Parks! All the directors and big wigs will be there (no pressure, right?!). Well, many states are joining the No Child Left Inside initiative, and apparently Missouri is starting to pay attention too. So a girl who works in central office for Planning and Development wants to meet with ME to hear MY ideas on how Missouri can start its own intiative. ME! MY ideas! Wow. I just can't get over all the attention this is getting. Its great, because this issue definatly needs this attention...but I'm not really used to being in the spotlight like this, its really crazy! But exciting that I may get to be a part of something really big, and something I feel is really important to the health and well being of our children. I'll let you know how it goes!

Pain and more pain

Today was bad. For the past few days I have been very crampy feeling in my lower abdomen, and the pain radiates to my lower back. It seems worse if I have to sit or stand for an extended period of time. Which is what happened at work today. I had a lot of paperwork and emails to catch up on, so I spent all day at my desk. By about 2pm, the pain was unbearable. I began to worry that something was going wrong. So I left early.

I talked myself down on the way home instead of rushing to the doctor like a paranoid new mommy, crying about every little thing. But after being home a couple of hours and not feeling better even after taking Tylonol, I started getting myself all worried again. Words like miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy were running through my head. So I hopped in my car and drove to the doctor. The doctor didn't see me, but I talked to Bev again, who is sooo wonderful. Her first question for me was "Are you constipated?" Well I haven't been constipated since I was 4, so I really didn't know. I assumed that it meant that I wasn't going at all. But I told her that I was a little bit, but it was loose and not much at all. She said that it sounds like I was, and that everything was blocked up so only the loose stuff could get through. Yuck. But she said if for some reason that is not the case, then there is nothing they can do until I see bleeding (which would indicate the miscarriage or ectopic preg). So she recommended a laxitive and I was on my way. And apparently, constipation is very common in pregnancy. The increase in progesterone causes food to move slower through the digestive tract. Progesterone helps my uterus to become a more comfy apartment for baby. :)

But it will also make my boobs grow bigger. Ugh. Could do without that.

I came home and took the medicine, which said to take 1-4 pills (usually 2). So I took 2. Couple hours later and I was wishing for my backache. Horrible cramps and all I can describe as water passing through my rear. I know its supposed to loosen you up, but good lord! I had about 6 bouts of that this evening, so painful, I was weeping while sitting there, the pain in my gut was so bad. I broke out in a cold sweat even, from the pain. I was afraid it was going to cause me either to pass out or vomit. Luckily, neither happened.

I tried to eat dinner, but because of all this other stuff going on, eating just made me nauseous. So all in all, its been a pretty miserable evening. Right now I'm exhausted, but trying to stay up long enough to rehydrate.

I'm too tired to write anything else. More tomorrow.

Breaking the news

Well I went home this weekend to break the news to the family. I wasn't exactly sure how to do it. How does one tactfully say, "Oh by the way, I'm pregnant...out of wedlock...and my baby daddy is 4,000 miles away"?? No good way to address that, is there? So I go for the classic ADD approach, and pull a verbal vomit. Yes, that's right. I just blurted it out over dinner. In the middle of the restaraunt. Which I wasn't planning on doing, I thought I would do them the courtesy of at least being in the privacy of the house, but I blame it on me not being able to take my medicine. And hormones. That combination can't be good. So from here on out, readers...I am not responsible for anything that comes flying out of my mouth! ha!

But anyway, they seemed to have the same cycle of emotions I did: shock, worry, then happy. I am, after all, supposed to be the "good kid" the "sensible one" and the "smart one". Yeah kinda threw that out the window, didn't I? Well, I still think I'm good, I'll be a damn better parent then most of my stupid cousins that shouldn't be having children. I'm still a very sensible person and I think my life choices can speak for themselves on that one. And if I wasn't smart, I wouldn't have moved from entry level to top of my field within a year of graduating college, not to mention having all eyes on me from the director of state parks to have me lead the way on a statewide initiative. Being pregnant is just one of life's surprises that always seem to keep things interesting and unpredictable. And beyond that, I am not worried. I am confident in myself, I am confident in Steve, and I'm confident in us as a couple, that we can and will make a great family. He was my first love and really the one I always compared future relationships to...and they never ever came close. He's been my best friend for 10 years, he knows me better than I know myself. I care about him deeply, and I think all that speaks for itself.

And I have gotten off topic again. Sorry. Anyway, long story short, after the intial who what where how and why....my folks genuinely seemed happy for me. So happy that right after dinner we had to go to Cuba to tell grandma. Grandma took it even better, in fact, there were no questions at all. She looked really dumbfounded for a minute, because honestly, who expects this kind of announcement from ME. Yeah, I got it people. Jamie is supposed to be sensible, blah blah blah. But things do happen, and more and more I am beginning to believe that everything happens for a reason. And we may not see what that reason is right now, but someday we will. And I think Grandma gets that. Because after the shock she was just tickled.

Today we went down to Springfield and met up with Vicky and Bud. They are still trying to sell their house down there. Sad too, cause the place is gorgeous. It was really funny....Mom said "Jamie has some news she wants to share with you..." and as a joke Vicky just looks up and says "What, are you pregnant?" I just kinda looked up at the ceiling and grinned. And then the "Oh my God!" followed. Then she and Bud just cheered for me and gave me hugs. It was awesome, this was the reaction I wanted. And the best part...when I told them Steve was the dad....even louder cheers! And more hugs. It took a huge load off my shoulders. I don't think I could have taken much more feeling guilty for not living up to people's idea of who I am, for not being the "good sensible one" for not being smart. I know my folks didn't mean to make me feel that way, its their job to worry about me and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better about the whole situation when I'm feeling guilty about it. But I spend my life on the guilt trip train, so it isn't anything new to know that I'm feeling guilty about something.

I also got a call from my cousin Matt today. He's NEVER called me. But he heard the news and he was absolutely bubbling over. It was like I was seeing the cousin I loved so much as a kid again. Back when we used to be so close. He kept saying "I'm so happy for you, you don't even know how happy I am....I think I'm happier about it than you are!" It was really neat. I guess he's really gotten into being a daddy since Ava Marie was born. Brandy also called me today to congratulate me. Apparently Grandma has been on the phone today spreading the news! haha! There will be lots of babies on that side of the family this year....Robbie, Kristy, and now me!

That's about it, I'm feeling about the same...tired. All the driving really did me in, I had to nap in the car to and from Springfield. And sitting for that long really makes my lower back hurt, and I guess the Tylonol helps a little, it doesn't help much. I've been feeling a lot of pressure in my abdomen too, which was starting to worry me, but I've pretty much decided its gas and bloating, which is apparently a common complaint in early pregnancy. Hormones to blame once again. I better get to bed now, its been a long weekend and I'm exhausted, and I might have a long week ahead of me. They want to burn at Johnson's Shut Ins on Tuesday, but I am hoping that it will be too wet from yesterday's rains. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.

I'm feeling better today. I got to sleep in my comfy bed after being gone a couple of days, which is always nice. And another full night's sleep helped too. Woke up early so I could talk to Steve. Although that conversation didn't make me very happy. His boss wanted him to stay until Oct 12, which is unacceptable, since baby will be here just a few weeks after that! But as it is he can't leave before 6 months is up or he will have to pay for the ticket to get home plus pay his boss back for the ticket to get there. Well that is 2 grand that can be used for other things. But doesn't keep it from being painful.

Anyway, today I went by Dr. Guiley to ask about my Adderal. As suspected, he said I should stop taking it immediately. I had already stopped taking it when I began to suspect I was pregnant. So that wasn't an issue. Then I asked the OB doc about working burns and stuff. They talked like it wouldn't be a problem, I am cleared to lift up to 50 lbs, and they said as long as I wear a mask on burns, I should be okay. I really don't feel comfortable being in the smoke though...I don't think they really understood how much smoke I eat when standing on the fireline. But she encouraged me to keep doing it, because women who get exercise have easier labor and delivery. I plan on still going to the gym and doing some treadmill and weight work, I don't want to gain too much weight. I will probably still go on burns, but not sure yet what capacity. I know how easily I get tired, so I don't think I'll be much good out on the burns. I am going to use this weekend to see how I will be able to handle being out...we have the Sierra Club coming to Washington State Park to do some cedar cutting and burning. I'll be hauling chunks of cedars to the burn pile as long as I can. But I'll be sure not to wear myself out too much. Weather may cancel everything though, its supposed to storm and I don't want to be out in that. They want to burn at Johnson's Shut Ins on Tuesday, that is 800 acres of hilly hell, so I am a bit nervous about that. I'm going to have to tell everyone, but I just hate to do that when my own family doesn't know. I kinda hope things gets cancelled this weekend so I can go to Rolla and break the news. Otherwise I will have to wait till Monday afternoon.

Today I had a headache all day. Not being able to take Excedrine is a BITCH. Tylonol is all I'm allowed, and that doesn't do a thing. My lower back hurts pretty bad after sitting or standing for a while. And then the tiredness. Tired all the time. But didn't need a nap today, so that was better.

Tried to look for places to rent closer to STL, found nothing but a bunch of cute houses for sale. Of course. Ugh. I wish I could just buy a house. Then I could decorate the nursery just how we want, we can have a space to call our own without worrying about the people next to us or above us, and finally...can stop throwing money away in rent. But anyway. The hunt will continue I suppose...for now I am exhausted and have a very long day tomorrow.

Well its official. I found out yesterday that I am pregnant. Seems so surreal still. I had been preparing myself for that news ever since I began to suspect it, but it still doesn't prepare you for the moment the doctor calls and confirms it. She said I was "just barely" pregnant, with my hcG hormone levels at 211. HcG is released soon after implantation, which occurs 8-12 days after conception. It starts at 5 IU/L at implantation, and doubles every day after that. So that puts conception somewhere between Feb 5-9th. I'm thinking it happened right around the time Steve left on the 7th. Even though sperm can live in the body for a while, for them to live long enough for conception to occur on the 9th is a bit of a stretch. But either way, this puts due date around Oct 30-Nov 1. I'll let the doctor determine that for sure. I have a doctor appointment on March 12, when they will listen for the heartbeat! I know that will be an amazing moment, and I so wish he could be here. I think my parents will probably come. Of course, that requires me talking to them....which I haven't done yet. I wanted to be able to do it in person. Maybe this weekend. I'm supposed to go to Washington State Park and supervise the Sierra Club as they cut and burn cedars. I don't know how much work I can/will be able to do. But I can go see my parents Monday if nothing else.

I found all this out right before I left for Winter Interpreter's training at Babler State Park. I woke up and got online, and thankfully Steve was on. While he was there on the computer, I went to take my HPT. Immediately two lines showed up. Even though instinctually I knew it, there was that small part of me thinking "oh shit". So I had to tell him via instant messenger, which really sucked. I made an appointment for a blood test that morning, just to be sure. So I went and got my blood drawn, and they said results would be back the next day. As I waited for my results yesterday, I got nervous because my presentation I was supposed to give got moved up to right after lunch. I was so worried they would call right before and I would have that on my mind the whole time. Thankfully, though, I didn't get the call until later. It was kinda hard not shouting it out to everyone! Because of course that mommy part of me is thrilled. But nervous too.

As for how I'm feeling, the best word is EXHAUSTED. I can get a full nights sleep, and the next day just be so tired. Today, all I did was sit through a half day of sessions and then rode home with Janet...and I was so tired I had to take a nap when I got home. Beyond that, my lower back hurts, I'm still kinda crampy feeling. And sore boobs, which has been a constant. My friend Becky is pregnant and she told me that it does go away, thank god. Its not that its that painful, but its really annoying. Of course, in a couple weeks I could be dealing with morning sickness. Mom said she never got it, so let's hope that's genetic!

Today...the crampy feeling is gone. But gas, soooo gassy. Guts have been grumbling all day.

What a pretty picture.

temp is still up, around 99.3-99.5. And I have a headache.

Very moody too. I went on a rampage against Dave, then ended up with a crying fit, and then came home to be angry and moody some more. But he brings out that side in me anyway, so may have nothing to do with anything.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring??

Oh yeah, and my temp is up a bit. 98.8-99.

Questions

Well, this will be a journal of many things. It could evolve into a specific type of journal, or could be just life in general. My main reason for posting this is for a place to chart a possible life changing experience. I've began wondering if I am pregnant. It is hard to imagine. Its something I've wanted for a long time, but this certainly wouldn't be the most opportune time. I'm fresh out of my relationship with Dave. Steve was here a couple of weeks to visit...hence the scare now...oops. And he got on a plane a week ago to go back to Korea for the next year. Yeah, that won't work. But, if this is what life is going to throw at me, then it is meant to be.


I've already been noticing some odd things. Many of these are things I would get for PMS symptoms, but that is often how it goes.

For about 3 days, my breasts have been extremely sore.

Today my lower back hurts really bad, excedrine doesn't help.

I have a dull ache in my left side, ovary area, that kind of radiates to lower back.

Sleep patterns all messed up, staying up all night and wanting to sleep all day. but there could be other explainations for this...drama with dave has caused that. Luckily that has been resolved, I think, so sleep should get back to normal.


So this is what I am experiencing so far. And according to the calculator, if I am preggo, due date would be October 31! Sweet! I will try to post regularly with any new developments. part of me kinda wishes it were true, but part of me doesn't. It would definatly be a bad time.