Breaking the news

Well I went home this weekend to break the news to the family. I wasn't exactly sure how to do it. How does one tactfully say, "Oh by the way, I'm pregnant...out of wedlock...and my baby daddy is 4,000 miles away"?? No good way to address that, is there? So I go for the classic ADD approach, and pull a verbal vomit. Yes, that's right. I just blurted it out over dinner. In the middle of the restaraunt. Which I wasn't planning on doing, I thought I would do them the courtesy of at least being in the privacy of the house, but I blame it on me not being able to take my medicine. And hormones. That combination can't be good. So from here on out, readers...I am not responsible for anything that comes flying out of my mouth! ha!

But anyway, they seemed to have the same cycle of emotions I did: shock, worry, then happy. I am, after all, supposed to be the "good kid" the "sensible one" and the "smart one". Yeah kinda threw that out the window, didn't I? Well, I still think I'm good, I'll be a damn better parent then most of my stupid cousins that shouldn't be having children. I'm still a very sensible person and I think my life choices can speak for themselves on that one. And if I wasn't smart, I wouldn't have moved from entry level to top of my field within a year of graduating college, not to mention having all eyes on me from the director of state parks to have me lead the way on a statewide initiative. Being pregnant is just one of life's surprises that always seem to keep things interesting and unpredictable. And beyond that, I am not worried. I am confident in myself, I am confident in Steve, and I'm confident in us as a couple, that we can and will make a great family. He was my first love and really the one I always compared future relationships to...and they never ever came close. He's been my best friend for 10 years, he knows me better than I know myself. I care about him deeply, and I think all that speaks for itself.

And I have gotten off topic again. Sorry. Anyway, long story short, after the intial who what where how and why....my folks genuinely seemed happy for me. So happy that right after dinner we had to go to Cuba to tell grandma. Grandma took it even better, in fact, there were no questions at all. She looked really dumbfounded for a minute, because honestly, who expects this kind of announcement from ME. Yeah, I got it people. Jamie is supposed to be sensible, blah blah blah. But things do happen, and more and more I am beginning to believe that everything happens for a reason. And we may not see what that reason is right now, but someday we will. And I think Grandma gets that. Because after the shock she was just tickled.

Today we went down to Springfield and met up with Vicky and Bud. They are still trying to sell their house down there. Sad too, cause the place is gorgeous. It was really funny....Mom said "Jamie has some news she wants to share with you..." and as a joke Vicky just looks up and says "What, are you pregnant?" I just kinda looked up at the ceiling and grinned. And then the "Oh my God!" followed. Then she and Bud just cheered for me and gave me hugs. It was awesome, this was the reaction I wanted. And the best part...when I told them Steve was the dad....even louder cheers! And more hugs. It took a huge load off my shoulders. I don't think I could have taken much more feeling guilty for not living up to people's idea of who I am, for not being the "good sensible one" for not being smart. I know my folks didn't mean to make me feel that way, its their job to worry about me and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better about the whole situation when I'm feeling guilty about it. But I spend my life on the guilt trip train, so it isn't anything new to know that I'm feeling guilty about something.

I also got a call from my cousin Matt today. He's NEVER called me. But he heard the news and he was absolutely bubbling over. It was like I was seeing the cousin I loved so much as a kid again. Back when we used to be so close. He kept saying "I'm so happy for you, you don't even know how happy I am....I think I'm happier about it than you are!" It was really neat. I guess he's really gotten into being a daddy since Ava Marie was born. Brandy also called me today to congratulate me. Apparently Grandma has been on the phone today spreading the news! haha! There will be lots of babies on that side of the family this year....Robbie, Kristy, and now me!

That's about it, I'm feeling about the same...tired. All the driving really did me in, I had to nap in the car to and from Springfield. And sitting for that long really makes my lower back hurt, and I guess the Tylonol helps a little, it doesn't help much. I've been feeling a lot of pressure in my abdomen too, which was starting to worry me, but I've pretty much decided its gas and bloating, which is apparently a common complaint in early pregnancy. Hormones to blame once again. I better get to bed now, its been a long weekend and I'm exhausted, and I might have a long week ahead of me. They want to burn at Johnson's Shut Ins on Tuesday, but I am hoping that it will be too wet from yesterday's rains. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.